Click. Spark. Flame. The connections spread like ‘wilder-fire’. My paternal uncle and I have begun exchanging emails, and just today his daughter contacted me and sent pictures and a poem her friend wrote about her mother’s recent death. It was amazingly beautiful. Their family has been passing around my short story regarding my Grandmother’s passing. With each new heart it discovers, I find a new name with a familiar ring glowing in my inbox. The internet is truly a wondrous thing. My cousin spoke of pictures she had seen of me as a child and the mystery she always felt around them. It’s interesting to hear her describe so many of the same thoughts and feelings that I recall from my own youth. We shared a curiosity about these familiar faces from the photos and wondered how their life was different, what was the same? Did they wonder about me as well? The answer comes at last with a resounding: Yes! Now with gentle, tentative words and courteous introductions we begin to shed light on our lives and see for the first time the people who were for so long in the dark.

I look forward to each new encounter, but I realized I am feeling an old familiar pang that has truly been dead in me for a long time. Today, I recognized that tiny tingle of fear deep in my belly, as the gentle wind of my thoughts whispered “I’m gay, what if they reject me?” I feel the old fear of their reactions, the potential obstacle of religious beliefs or different views regarding my sexuality. I have for years now been very open, comfortable and honest about who I am. So, the memory of my first disclosures had been dormant, but I felt them again this morning as I looked at my cousin’s beautiful smiling face tucked neatly alongside her husband’s shoulder. It’s not like I expect to show up with a pink triangle tattoo, or anything. I do know how to be discrete and play the “social game”. But, I worry about putting myself out there and getting hurt. However, I am unwilling to let those fears hold me or bind me. So I will boldly walk forward into the ‘wilder-ness’ with my torch held high, and my best light shining forth. It just so happens that my light also comes with a little rainbow.

———–on a side note————
Only yesterday my psychic told me of the numerous new relationships that I would be developing over the next couple of months. And today my horoscope had this to say:
You’ll be doing lots of chatting for a couple of days — most of it to faraway loved ones. If you don’t have extra minutes or a good long-distance plan, better invest in one now. And there’s always email.

There are no coincidences, only Faith and action.