22 July 2009
Thoughts on Open and Honest Communication
Filed under Creations + Curiosities + Music/Movie/Media + Random Mental Dishes + Rant + Soul
“Open and honest” communications are rare. People typically engage in socially acceptable conversations; problem-solving brainstorms; polite and appropriate exchanges of niceties; superficial divulgences of “confidence”; comfortable discussions of daily activities/events; confluences of mutual support/agony; comedic interpretations; nostalgic remembrances of prior days (judiciously edited for the conversation at hand); malicious gossip; entertaining breaks of humor; or mutually strategic diplomatic negotiations. In the rare moments when truly “open and honest” communication happens it is usually quite intimate.
I have for years been a student of The Four Agreements. In typing this now, I notice how “open and honest” are not goals:
Be Impeccable with your Word:
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. (Italics mine.)
“In the direction of truth and love” is not the same as “open and honest.”
Some of these directives I’m better at doing, some days I practice none of them with much grace. But I can’t say I ever really attempt or aim to have “open and honest” communications.
And from what I can tell, some people really, really, DON’T want to be on the receiving end of one anyway.
2009-07-22 :: admin
22 July 2009 @ 4:50 pm
I don’t know Haus. One of the things I most value in our friendship, is the direction of your words. You allow space to be there when needed, you challenge those concepts that need to be challenged all while allowing the person to be authentic in your presence. Even in hard conversations (and you have been with me in a quite a few) it’s never disrespectful or hurtful. Your words allow the bruised ego to float gracefully to the floor for evaluation without the need to kick it on it’s way down, or stand on it’s fingers while it’s nursing it’s wounds. Neither do you let it get back up without the all important self reflection. These are things a friend values I think.
/philosophy brain
22 July 2009 @ 5:28 pm
i so appreciate your words and who i am in your eyes and the beauty of the friendship we share.
I should have prefaced this post with - this is a placeholder diatribe i am organizing in my head toward a man who stands behind the armor of duplicity and swings at many with a sword emblazoned “open and honest” - - in this instance, it is the integrity of the word i wish to call forth and an attempt to move toward truth rather than “platitudes” - - but i so understand and agree with how you have eloquently refuted me on the point.
22 July 2009 @ 7:35 pm
This post is open and honest. And so are your two above posts. But, does “open and honest” always have to be negative? I think you’re terrific…open and honest.
26 July 2009 @ 7:26 pm
You have always been the one true person, whom speaks and lives Openly and Honestly.
I think all who know you, hold that as a constant reminder of the beauty that is you.
28 July 2009 @ 12:25 pm
I do I do!!!!! Pick me.
20 November 2009 @ 12:50 am
Wow!
That is So…
Not You