Thu 20 Jan 2005
CP’s funeral was today. It was beautiful. She was 47.
What if someone told me I had 12 years to live? Would I do anything differently? I know it sounds like a cliché thought, but that doesn’t stop it from hitting me right between the eyes.
Because of the funeral, I also ran smack into one of my ‘old worlds.’ Overall things went well. I feel real indifference toward most of the characters from that chapter. Our lives continue on without one another and that suits me. However there is one special someone who I continue to hold dearly in my heart, yet for circumstances beyond both of our control we are forcibly estranged. He and I were able to sit together, undisturbed, for about 10 minutes. We reconnected and enjoyed each other’s company. In a simple and causal exchange he offered a comment/compliment that almost dropped me to my knees.
As I grieve tonight for the loss, and ponder my own mortality, I also sit within the warm knowing glow that I live in his heart, as he does in mine. And no one can take that away.
January 20th, 2005 at 9:40 pm
I wonder what was in your heart. It was beautiful I bet. God bless you.
January 21st, 2005 at 4:01 pm
This is so eerie to read. Beautiful. But eerie, because I’ve been thru something similar in the past.
When you are told you have a finite period left to live (which I’ve been told on three occasions), you’d think that you would make some changes in your life. But no matter how hard I try, some things change, but some things don’t. And I thought I tried really hard to make the changes. Just a failing of my own, I suppose.
And I’m familiar with the “past friend” thing, too. It’s weird how you outgrow some people. Life moves on. Hopefully we all learn and grow from it.
January 24th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
I am so happy for you.
I guess it pays not to take anything personally from one about another.
And to edk…continue to survive
AND continue to thrive because, after all is said and done, we all have the power to change.