There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who like to drink beer;
The Inwood Lounge has its secret tales
That would fill your blood with fear;
Our city’s lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night at the bar with my friends, from afar
We witnessed ol’ hook-armed Crackey.
[Apologies to Robert Service]

Credibility. It’s a challenging trust to be attained sometimes. A person alone can witness something so amazing that others find it hard to imagine and even harder to believe. And I admit that if I had not been present at the event itself I would have thought any teller of this tale was exaggerating. And had I been alone to witness it, I might have even thought twice before I tried to convince others of its veracity. But with the strength that comes in numbers, I am able to recount this amazing incident.

Roger and Sparkler can attest.

So, the three of us entered the Inwood Lounge a few evenings ago to engage in one of our favorite pastimes, mocking. Little did we know that we were about to hit the jackpot. There were quite a few couples who were easy targets for our amusement. Suddenly one fellow screamed for our attention. But what mocking could be done. He was ‘instant mock’ without anyone saying a word. The glaring detail that beckoned us was the fact that his pants were so low on his body as to reveal not only butt-crack, and an overly hairy one at that, but I swear it might have been scrotum that I witnessed. [OK, so now I am exaggerating, but only a bit.] Really folks, this fellow had his pants so low that all any of us could do was sit wide-eyed, jaws agape and stare. Few mortals on this planet have ever made this threesome speechless. That alone is an awesome feat and worth recounting. However, this man was not ordinary. In addition to his state of undress, as we continued to observe him in amazement, at the end of his arm where one would expect to find a hand, he had a hook, an artificial appendage to replace the one he had obviously lost. Now a man with a hook is not necessarily funny, and a man with half his ass showing is only a minor hilarity, but a man with both is almost unreal. He proceeded throughout the evening with his pants at half-mast to our utter horror. His companion never alerted him to the situation. We stayed until after ‘last call’ to see if the situation would be remedied and only after the lights were turned on and he made his way to the men’s room did one patron loudly proclaim, “Hey buddy, nice Crack.”

I’m delighted to know that both of my companions certified that had the tables been turned both of them would have not only advised me of the situation, but would have actually taken matters into their own hands and ‘hiked up my drawers’ themselves.

Now really, what are friends for?