Sparkler and I did a little shopping over the weekend. We hit one of the more ritzy malls in Dallas. Now, sometimes when the Spark and I get together we forget that we are not psychically linked and just sharing snide comments with one another mind-to-mind. It doesn’t’ occur to us (or more likely we just don’t care) that others can easily hear our running (amok) commentary. So we were in one of the fitting rooms trying on articles of clothing, as well as some non-human tested, insane pieces of cloth, and running our mouths as we are wont to do. Suddenly a loud voice from a neighboring fitting room piped up and said, “ You two should have your own show. You are hysterical.” It was a rude awakening to our easily over-heard reality and we just looked at one another, laughed, and continued as we had begun.

Later, as we sat down for a fine repast, we reflected and began to create said show. Sparkler had all the details laid out. We would have a cable access show called Give Us Stuff where viewers would send us stuff (that we would keep…Brilliant) and we would just ‘go off on it’ for 30 minutes or so. Of course, our Production Assistant would sort the mail and select from the best entries so we would not see the item before the show aired and at the beginning of the show, she (probably Saltina) would deliver the item to our set (which would obviously be quite plush and would include fine delicacies for us to munch on…of course).

In addition to discussing our show we also opened the floor for our regular faire of inappropriate topics. It did not go unnoticed that our waiter miraculously appeared every time one of us was saying something really tasteless. “At least her faulty colon provided humor for us,” “So I’ve repositioned my monitor so I can see the maximum number of pee-ers,” “ Porn, Porn, Porn, Porn,” and I’m sure there were many others but I can’t remember them. (Because we have the tendency to say soooo many improper things.) At one point I spoke of my breasts falling out and the waiter turned his head and literally gawked at us with incredulity which almost caused the Spark to drown in her own glass of water.

Thank Gawd Dallas is the restaurant capital of America, because we are quickly eliminating the number of places where we can return.