This article from today’s New York Times tickles me without end. Do not judge me for delighting in information that involves a particularly sinister and sordid discovery. This is a gruesome crime that even I was thrilled to commit in my youth. Fact is, I would gladly take the time to think up new tortures even today.

It appears that Barbie™ has the fine distinction of being one of the most defiled and abhorred toys in the box. According to the study, “Violence and torture against Barbie were repeatedly reported across age, school and gender. No other toy or brand name provoked such a negative response.”

That doesn’t surprise me a bit. I fondly recall the anthills, bicycle drags, GI Joe torture/rescue scenarios, ‘plastic surgery’ episodes and various other evil experiments the Barbie’s of my old neighborhood endured. Even later in life, I enjoyed making the occasional odd/dark/art-house video using an old Barbie hair-styling head. There was even one Halloween dorm room where a multitude of sick and twisted Barbie parts hung from the ceiling via fishing line. And I confess that it was only a summer ago when I attended a birthday celebration of mock Barbie admiration, where photos of lesbian Barbie ‘atrocities’ where photographed for our base and puerile pleasure. Heck, an adult male friend of mine currently has a twisted, partially dismembered torso proudly displayed on his TV right now.

I know the researchers hypothesize a variety of answers as to why this sad circumstance takes place. I hope they don’t immediately rule out the obvious; because it’s so much fun!