I wake up from
a nap
and sense a
well in myself:
I have
dropped into
the well:
the ripples
have just
vanished

from The Really Short Poems of A.R. Ammons

Sting & Annie Lennox
Smirnoff Music Center
Sun, 09/19/04
07:00 PM

WHO’S IN, CUZ I’M DEFINITELY THERE!!!

(I will be getting tickets soon (and NOT the cheap seats), so let me know… the more the merrier!)

First of all congrats to Fly for a great day on the lot. I know it’s in your blood; it’s just a matter of time.
——————-
So, I witnessed a crazy thing today. One of our sales reps was demonstrating a vehicle to a customer. They lifted the hood, walked around the vehicle (a bright red Ford pick-up), and then the rep gave the customer the keys. As the rep walked around to get in the passenger side, the customer threw the truck into reverse, locked the doors, and with the rep standing outside trying to gain access, the customer put it into drive and hauled ass off the lot, never looking back. A few of us other reps stood in awe, sure of what we were seeing, but not believing it. The truck was probably in the chop shop before the police could arrive to write the report. It was whack! All any of us could do was look on with incredulity.

Shortly afterward I met one of the guys who works with me. He’s a young man from Puerto Rico and his English is still marginal at best. He’s at that fascinating stage where you can understand him, but he is still translating directly from his native tongue. I love that phase, because it gives one such a poetic view into how other cultures describe life. He was telling me that he used to make his living as a baseball player/coach and that now he makes his living selling cars. That is what he meant but what he literally said was, “That is how I used to win my living, but this is how I win my living now.” I was really struck by the beauty of the statement. He didn’t say “make” or “earn” my living, or even “what I do”. Instead he expressed a powerful, positive position; HOW HE WINS HIS LIVING. It was only upon reflection that these two people came into glaring contrast: cheating a living vs. winning it.

I suppose there are players (who create their own success), benchwarmers (who are a part of others success without working much for it), coaches (who tell others how to succeed), spectators (who watch others succeed), and even cheats (who steal success).

What about me? I have a bit of all of them in me, and have tried most at some point. But I’m starting to really understand that life IS a magnificent game and I like the thought of winning my living.

Play Ball!

It’s official: “Your Flight Booking is confirmed”
SCOTLAND (and Scotch Whisky) HERE I COME!

I recently moved to work at a new car dealership, and I must say, not the least of the reasons why this one is better is the fact that they pipe in music and it just happens to be all 80’s, all the time. Thank you God! The Pointer Sisters, Devo, The Cure, Billy Squire, Cyndi Lauper, etc…..I wondered where you all went. It’s good to have you back.

On that note [pun intended], today was my first real day on the showroom floor, and I am quite pleased to announce that I sold the MOST CARS TODAY, and had my personal best sales day since entering the business!!! Not a bad showing for the new girl (perhaps it was the music?)

On an even better note, I received word that my old house in Coppell is FOR SALE! I hadn’t really thought about it, but confronted with the fact, I am elated to think that what was once “common property” that had fallen into “dishonorable hands” is now about to be released into the universe and is soon to be owned by strangers. It feels GREAT to think that they will benefit from the fruits of my labor instead of the current owner/ex-lover. Somehow a new level of closure has been achieved.

Memories are broken windows; windows with a view of the past, interrupted by the jagged edges of forgetfullness. Through these exquisite shards, my life is pieced together. Some of these memories try to tear and cut at my flesh. But as I look upon all of the fragments I find the sunlight dancing playfully and splendidly upon most. The fractured edges capture and transform the rays into vivid colors, like portions of stained glass. With all my magnificient windows I shall build a cathedral.

Recently my mother reminded me of a poem I wrote when I was 17. I was attending a religious youth retreat where we were instructed to find a quiet place to reflect and write our personal creed, or belief statement. (Those of you with a Catholic heritage will remember The Nicene Creed.)

The memory is still a very vivid one for me, as I wandered out into the beautiful Montana countryside to stop along a marvelous spring brook, the kind that only exist during the run-off months and disappear during the rest of the year. I was entranced by the beauty and the sounds of the bubbling life around me. I spent 25 minutes of the allotted 30 just absorbing and delighting in the vitality of it all. In the remaining 5 minutes I hurriedly scrawled the following: (I have edited only the first line to better reflect my current belief.)

I believe in the Spiritual Unity of the ONE.
I believe in laughing, playing, and having fun.
I believe in poems and the scenes behind the words.
I believe in blooming flowers, flowing rivers and chirping birds.
I believe in helping others to achieve their dream.
I believe I can endure no matter how great the odds may seem.
I believe in children and the wondrous things they see.
I believe today’s the best day, and I believe in ME.

I’m delighted to find that overall things haven’t changed for me much. Now sitting on my patio, which cannot begin to compare with that Montana field, I am still moved by that same spring beauty as it is carried in the smell of the air, the sound of the birds, the vibrant young soccer players across the street and even the rhythmic flow of the traffic beneath me. And somehow, like that miraculous brook, Spirit returns and flows through me now. It is up to me to remember this stream even in the times of my life when it appears to have dried up. I must carry faith that the cycle is constant and replenishing. And for now, I need only drink deeply and delight that it is here with me now.

“[She] was not what you would call ‘ dog-ugly’, but you could see the suburbs of ‘unattractive town’ from where she lived, that’s for sure.”
- from an unpublished, untitled story

“Act as if the maxim of your action were to become through your will a universal law of nature” -Immanuel Kant

Last year it seemed that all the major events that affected my life were ultimately results of other people’s choices. Throughout that time it seemed that what my life most lacked was options. I spent many hours in meditation working to manifest choice. Well, now it seems that this mental crop has come to harvest. I am grateful for this transition, but now I find myself meditating on clarity. I have several rather large decisions to make in the coming days and I can only relax in the faith that this new mental crop will come to fruit quickly and that I will be able to recognize and select from the ripest vines.

“The only choice worth choosing is the one that will allow you to choose again endlessly” - a blend of other’s thoughts and my own