Watch out Scotland here we come.

Yesterday was incredibly disappointing. By 10 a.m. I had already made my first sale and it seemed the day was off to a roaring start, only to find out later that the deal “blew-out” of finance [the box] due to horribly bad credit. Now, this sort of thing seldom happens. Lots of people have bad credit, but they seldom make it into the box. A customer in the box is usually the sign of a done deal. I was a bit down, but knew it was early and I could rebound. I regrouped and closed my next customer. Once again the deal fell through in the box due to bad credit. Unbelievable! By this time the day was half over, and deals were being posted on the window in great numbers. But my name was sadly missing from the list. At this point I was more than just down and actually contemplated calling it a day. So I stepped aside to focus myself. As I searched for some clarity and energy, I chose to create and relate, instead of hate and berate. The following haiku is the product of my meditation:

Two into the box
Faint reflections in a pond
My glass board empty

Expressing the day through beauty in this way really helped. It reminded me of my creative power, which is the same power I could use to create the attitude necessary for my next sale. I was reinvigorated and there was time left in the day for just one more. I met a great woman and we test drove at least 5 sports cars. We got along splendidly and were having much fun. She finally found one that absolutely thrilled her to the bone. She was truly ebullient. I was delighted. That is the moment in my job that I relish. When we finally got to the paperwork, stunning both her and me, we could not get her bought due to her credit score. [This is where we usually find out, before they ever get into the box.]
I hated seeing her disappointment, but it some how removed me from my own. By this time it was 8:45 p.m. and my day was done. Three car sales, no done deals.
This morning upon reflection I wrote this second haiku:

Three seemingly built
Past missteps haunting the wind
Blow sand deals to dust

Finally, to top off my day, as I was driving home my check engine light started to blink and my car stuttered about 10 minutes from my home. I made it ok, but I did start to worry. It has been acting up for days.
So Monday IS a brand new day, and maybe I will be my first car sale of the week. Luckily for me I don’t have bad credit.

3D has a hearing challenge, and occasionally it takes me a couple of attempts to get my point across. I’ve found that this is actually an advantageous situation. My first attempt, usually only I hear. Then, I get the opportunity to submit revisions upon the second. Finally, by the third time my thought is fully revised, spell-checked, proofread and polished for publication. Lucky for me this is when she hears it. My college papers didn’t get this kind of attention to editing. I’ve never sounded better, or seemed more articulate.

Of course I let her know this was happening so now instead of “what?” she just says, “ok, second draft.”

I spent Sunday expreriencing myself as a ‘human being’, instead of a ‘human doing or going’ for a change. I hardly moved off the couch all day…[someone had to let the pizza guy in].
So I took the opportunity to watch some of my favorite movies. In particular Chocolat is such a powerful, passionate and incredible movie. It’s the kind you can revisit frequently to remind yourself how to experience, express, and explore beauty in your every day.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“What’s the decor? Early Mexican brothel?”

“It melts ever so slowly on your tongue and tortures you with pleasure.”

“We can’t go round measuring our goodness by what we don’t do, by what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think we’ve got to measure our goodness by what we embrace, what we create, and who we include.”

“But still the clever North Wind was not satisfied. The wind spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought….by someone else next time.”

Ray: “What is your worst quality?”
Me: “I’m not sure…..hmmm….ambivalence?”

Lately I’ve been exploring a very raw and naked emotional/spiritual side of myself. Oddly enough, it’s not really scary. Instead, it’s quite invigorating.

I highly recommend it.

agreement 1
Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2
Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3
Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4
Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Don Miguel Ruiz’s code for life - from The Four Agreements

This morning I want to give a shout out in appreciation of King. It is magnificent to watch you catch your stride. With grace and quiet elegance you seem to embody success. Others seem to attain success. You manifest it. Thank you for showing this to me.

Five foot nothing, bleached blonde, brutally outspoken, 72 years old, and surgically-well maintained Merdella raged on to the showroom floor. Remarkably for her [I came to find out later], she refrained from giving the bird to the eager young sales rep who first approached her. Without hesitation she dismissed the other salesmen and requested that I be the one to assist her [me being a white woman and all]. She wanted to check out one of our high-end SUVs, and so began our adventure.
It was only moments into our test drive when she announced that she needed some “empty road so she could open this thing up”, which she proceeded to do. Before our encounter was over she had, with her scrunched up, dismissive look disparaged Arlington, North Dallas, Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Lesbians, men in general, and car salesmen especially. My years of PR work and a lifetime of diplomacy were facing the ultimate test.
Brought up on a farm in a small panhandle town she matter-of-factly admitted she was worth millions, and had been married three times, “trading up” with each one. She was, “after all, blonde, not stupid.” She needed a big, safe vehicle because she was prone to a lot of “finger wars” on the road and she didn’t want to feel like she would ever lose. In no uncertain terms, Merdella was going to get what she wanted! And she wanted that car. As I walked her back to her car [because she would have to consult her accountant first] she stood back, checked out the lines of the car and with a devilish grin and a side-ways glance at me announced, “I’ll look like one rich bitch in that thing!”
I cringed at most everything that came out of her mouth, but there was something about her that was admirable and likeable. I couldn’t begin to explain it, but she was remarkably real.
After a couple of phone calls over the course of 3 days she came in to buy it. We spent seven hours finalizing the deal at which time it was 9 pm and very stormy. She told me she felt uncomfortable driving home in the dark, in the storm and in an unfamiliar vehicle, so I arranged for a “chaser” to bring me back so I could drive her home. Not more than 2 minutes off of the lot it began to hail so we sought shelter for a while before we slowly worked our way to her house. She told me she had one hell of a life story, so I replied that I had time to hear at least 20 minutes worth, heck, we had nothing else to do.
So, she married her first husband, whom she was with for 19 years, at a young age. They produced one heir, who never called, and had served 2 years in prison on a drug charge. She was with her 2nd husband for 10 years, and after they had been separated for 11 months, he proceeded to shoot her boyfriend of 6 weeks four times. Of course she witnessed this event and her boyfriend survived. Unsurprisingly their relationship did not last, and at 56 she moved in with her new boyfriend and soon to be husband number 3. She wasn’t about to marry him at first because she was still receiving alimony from number 2. Finally this third marriage only lasted 15 months, which was a real disaster because it ended her alimony from number 2 for no good reason. Once we reached her house we found that her new car didn’t fit in the garage, and in fact attempting to make it do so damaged her garage door. It was at this point that she admitted to me that her whole life was that way, she had been born under a dark cloud and she was a witch to boot. By this time she finally met my “chaser”, an elegant young black male. She surprised us by proceeding to invite us both into her house for drinks. Her home dripped with money, and she was delighted to show it off to us. She was a gracious hostess and invited us to come out sometime so she could show us the beauty of Ft. Worth at night.
The truth is, she is an interesting and lonely, elderly lady who lived an adventurous life and was looking for some companionship. For the second time recently I was reminded of Nabokov’s book “Lolita”. Like Nabokov’s “hero, Humbert Humbert, she was contemptible on the surface and yet somehow, she was subjectively likable. She exuded the kind of pathos that one usually finds only in literature and I couldn’t help but think had she been born 40 years later her outspokenness and extreme point-of-view would have been in support of the same things she now derided. I could imagine her spitfire personality blending well with my current friends.
Merdellas’ prejudice was a superficial show because it was the only thing she knew, unlike the other prejudiced people I’ve dealt with who smile and discriminate behind closed doors.
All things considered I don’t think I’ve heard the last of Miss Merdella. At least I hope not.