Thank GOD (or I think I mean Al Gore) for the Internet! I never fail to find someone (usually Turkish, for some reason) to play cribbage with when my head pops off the pillow at 3 or 4 a.m.

Technology … gotta love it!

Heartbreak always brings about reflection, and one of the things that has come to mind is something I wrote when I was 18. At first it concerned me to think that over all these years I haven’t changed much, because the words still ring so true. But eventually I began to feel blessed, because the years still have not jaded me, and there is some core of me that remains true.

GROW

Have I the courage?
Have I the strength?
To open myself to someone.
For in opening, I offer
A part of me!
-Do I lose this part
or does it grow fuller?-
As I find the strength
To open myself to you
I know, I can only
GROW!

- but the good does come with the bad, if you are looking:

Shits: Loosing an intimate loved one
Giggles: Being shown you are loved by more than one

Shits: Taking her off speed-dial
Giggles: Hearing your brother in a voicemail say he loves you

Shits: Losing sleep
Giggles: Losing weight

Shits: Your heart breaking
Giggles: Being shown you can love again

Shits: Unexpectedly coming across her toothbrush in the morning
Giggles: Knowing your water bill is going to be lower

Shits: Sleeping alone
Giggles: Waking with a guardian angel at your feet

Shits: Loss of kisses
Giggles: Puppy kisses

Shits: How every song on the radio seems to hurt
Giggles: Remembering to find peace and balance in the Silence

Shits: Burying your head in your job
Giggles: Burying your head in your job

Shits: Finding her dog’s food bowl on the patio
Giggles: Going for a walk in the field anyway, alone

Shits: Early mornings, without cuddling
Giggles: Farting with reckless abandon

Shits: Tears
Giggles: Hugs

Shits: Opening up and getting hurt
Giggles: A mother’s caring and tender support

Shits: Sensing a deep loss of beauty/light in your world
Giggles: Remembering and focusing on your inner beauty/light

Shits: Shaving your own legs
Giggles: Not caring if you have hairy-ass legs

Shits: Old photos
Giggles: Old photos

Shits: Smoking way too much
Giggles: The tightness in your chest starting to ease

Shits: Driving over to her house to pick up “your shit”
Giggles: Quietly giggling to yourself as you drive home, because you know you left a piece of your limitless heart

A dear friend once sent me this. I find myself reflecting upon it now:

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart…try to love the
questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a
very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be
given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. The point is
to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in
the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way
into the answer.”

-Rainer Maria Rilke

I guess I’d forgotten how hard it is to sit still all day. Now in my new job I find myself very fidgety and antsy. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the work, but the difficulty sitting has taken me by surprise. I really never noticed before because from about the age of 5 till about 30 I had gotten used to sitting for most of the day. It was just a way of life. But having spent the last couple of years mostly moving around, standing, walking or engaging in physical labor I have gotten out of practice. I noticed yesterday when I got home from work I HAD to take a walk. My body was just craving some kind of motion, some kind of action. After about 1 1/2 hours outside exploring my neighborhood, I could finally feel my body start to settle down, at least a little anyway.

Fortunately I have found out that my new organization encourages employees to participate in short yoga sessions, unofficial walking groups, and exercise breaks throughout the week. I haven’t really had the opportunity to take advantage of them yet, as I am still orienting myself, but I really need to plan that into my future.

For a couple of years I have belonged to an unofficial club of trivia players. We are a motley, miss-matched, unfathomable group of individuals who happen to share a common interest in trivia, and when possible we gather together to become a formidable group in the ranks of NTN trivia (you know, that little blue box trivia game going on in various bars across America and Canada). Surprisingly our crazy little group does extremely well. Actually, the handful of us has successfully averaged number one for daytime bars for the past year. We kick some trivia ass. Now this group is NOT for the weak of heart; the curses, insults and typical bar-type camaraderie abounds. Quick wits, and quicker tongues keep the meek at bay. You either hold your verbal ground, or at the very least, show up with thick enough skin so as to laugh at yourself, because you can be sure others will be laughing at your expense. With my new job I will be seeing less of this wonderful, rowdy, over-the-top group. I’m sure I will really miss them and look forward to every opportunity to meet up with them in the future. Today may have been my last real day with them for some time. I offer this “precious moment” from that time (VT is one of those obnoxious bar regulars who frequently wears a shirt that says “Insults for Free” and he means it. He is a loud-mouthed; know-it-all with a warm heart and a kind word for anyone who can get past his volatile opinions and rough exterior. He doesn’t play trivia, but he likes to visit with us while we do. ):

Suspicious Minds playing in the background

VT: This is my favorite Elvis song
ME: Yeah, I really like his song A Little Less Conversation
VT: Oh, yeah. That’s a good one.
ME: Actually I’d like to hear it right now.

Pregnant pause, the bartender and the few patrons at the bar erupt in laughter, VT grins, gets quiet and I resume my trivia playing.

Life is good!

“Hirsut” has left the building! Good luck guys, I’m with you in spirit (and anytime I can be there in person)!

I’ve used much of my talent in Corporate America(TM) formulating messages/content for things that I didn’t really believe in or care much about personally. The great thing about my new position is that I will finally be working on messages/content/programs for things I do believe in.

Friday afternoon I learned that one of my first projects is to head up one of our internal charity campaigns. This year they have chosen to raise money for Texas Hearing and Service Dogs. THSD adopts dogs from animal shelters and trains them as working partners for Texans living with disabilities - free of charge. It’s really a win-win situation. They rely on donations only for the cost of training the dogs.

I’m so excited to finally use my talents to help such a positive organization. Especially one that works to help areas that touch my heart so closely.

So, I was sitting in my favorite bar yesterday afternoon, celebrating my new job, when my mother called:

ME: Do you realize this is the first job I’ve had in air-conditioning in almost 4 years?
MOM: You will probably have to buy a padded bra.

Gotta love her!

Some moments in life are perfect.

For me, these include sitting on the floor in my apartment with a fresh sense of fulfillment, and just a hint of longing and anticipation for the future, accompanied by a good friend, one more stiff drink than I should have had, enjoying an unusually cool Texas night in August indulging in Tom Waits’ bedraggled, chain-smoking, whiskey-swilling, Kerouac-esque sounding rasp as he paints loud in the foreground; The Heart of Saturday Night .

Pure poetry.

I am ELATED to announce that I will be working as a Communications Consultant for a well established Corporation. I start next Wednesday for a 3 month contract, but I’m thinking if I bring my A Game I can make it in to something more.
So if anyone needs a new car…good luck, because all car salespeople are sharks!!! (LOL)