Today is my 1 year blogiversary. It is amazing how much it has become an important part of my life. Thanks everyone for tuning in.

So my hunger/appetites in general have completely abated. Last night around 11:30 pm I began to feel an amazing amount of energy and lightness. (Of course it being 11:30 pm and all I have to admit it wasn’t the best timing.) I never really began to feel tired, but made myself lie down from 6:30 am till 10 am, but I didn’t truly sleep, I would say I quieted myself.

I suppose what I am experiencing is akin to a ‘runner’s high’. I feel like I’m in a state of energy and focus slightly outside of my body’s needs, if that makes sense?

I realize that I am an interesting balance of logic and spirituality. I’m sure the whole experience can be explained through chemistry and physiology, endorphins, adrenaline, etc. But I also know this same feeling has been described in countless religious and poetic texts. It is a kind of euphoria, a divine ecstasy. And for centuries human beings have sought this feeling; shaman, high priests, ascetics, holy men, mystics, and yes, even the ‘drug culture’.

But no matter what the physical, scientific explanation is, and no matter how humankind has learned to achieve this state, somehow we have come to a universal description of this experience. We have similarly defined our human perception of this state of being. Invariably that description speaks of a feeling of connectedness, centeredness, and a pull toward something greater. Perhaps it is when we truly remove ourselves, our physical selves, from the equation that we can greater feel/sense the spirit of which we are all apart.

OK….so NOW I am hungry!

Just found one of the best tickets evah! (Not counting the tin of cards one): In the battery compartment of my stereo remote control.

Loved it! Sure did make me giggle and smile.

——-

In other news, the fast is going really well, I’m over the halfway point. I’m just starting to feel hungry, but not like starving. It has been helping to change between hot and cold beverages (just water, lemon juice, and herbal tea) to alleviate the monotony. Chewing some soft ice has also been good. And I notice I’m brushing my teeth a lot more.

I am able to “hear” my body with more clarity. I can distinctly hear my emotional hunger, my hunger based on boredom, and my actual hunger. (And I’m getting good exercise in ‘talking back with authority’ to my little inner demon voices.)

I guess learning how to properly feed each of these types of hunger with what they truly require is the next goal. In particular it is the emotion hunger that I can “hear” with more clarity. Learning to feed it properly is what I must continue to work on. It’s finding the right recipes in this area that seems to be the challenge.

I’m only somewhat surprised to find that right now (and for most of today) I have had a more powerful craving for sushi than for cigarettes.

This fun new meme adventure just in from The Saltina.

[Side note:] In finding the nearest book to me, as I am sitting at my desk, I have disqualified reference books such as dictionary, thesaurus, etc.

1. Pick up the nearest book to you.
2. Find page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

“Only when [the flower] opens is beauty revealed in its center, for there is the focus of its exquisiteness, the source of its aroma, there is its sweet nectar.”
Chapter: Center
Book: 365 Tao, Daily Meditations, by Deng Ming – Dao

This was perfect for me right now. And I have to add the final sentence of the page.

“Unless we attain the center and keep to our progressions, we cannot ever reach true independence in our lives.”

It has only now become real. Only now am I truly beginning to feel cravings. Evenings are usually my periods of ‘lowest willpower.’ But, to tell the truth it is still not actual hunger. It’s more like boredom, change of texture, the desire to fill/distract myself.

And the bartering has begun. The little demons in my head that say, ‘Just one little cracker, what could it hurt.’ But it’s not about the hunger, or even about the control. It is about the choice. It’s about making powerful choices. Or should I say, it’s about making choices powerfully. It’s about standing firm in my conviction.

Now usually a fast in my home would be particularly easy, because the cupboards are often bare, BUT Blyss’ mother just recently hooked me up so there are indeed many tasty morsels in my midst. I am reminded of The Hunger Artist by Franz Kafka:

“Because I have to fast, I can’t help it,” said the hunger artist. “What a fellow you are,” said the overseer, “and why can’t you help it?” “Because,” said the hunger artist, lifting his head a little and speaking, with his lips pursed, as if for a kiss, right into the overseer’s ear, so that no syllable might be lost, “because I couldn’t find the food I liked. If I had found it, believe me, I should have made no fuss and stuffed myself like you or anyone else.” These were his last words, but in his dimming eyes remained the firm though no longer proud persuasion that he was continuing to fast.

Hmmmm……food for thought?

Few times in life are you ever really offered days of unplanned, unstructured time. Right now I have a lot of time, so it occurred to me that it was the perfect opportunity for a 3-day fast, starting at midnight tonight and ending on midnight Friday.

I’ve only had the opportunity to do 1-day fasts in the past. Typically during a fast I feel greater clarity of mind, soundness of body, and a greater, deeper sense of my centeredness.

RIGHT NOW seems like a good time to find some ground and center; to cleanse my mind and body.

Turtle has a pretty cool new website idea Question of the Moment. Kind of an extended ‘getting to know you’ thing.

Feel free to jump in and comment whenever the mood/question strikes you. You don’t have to sign up for an account, just post as ‘Anonymous’ and if you care to let us know who you are, type your moniker at the end of your comment.

Sometimes others say it best, and I’m torn between which of these quotes is better(er).

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: “Ditto”? “Ditto,” you provincial putz?

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty-dollar whore.

[It’s Blazing Saddles for anyone out there who has been living under a rock.]

Ok, so I like Texas, even in the summer. And I prefer to avoid Montana in the winter, except that the holidays fall smack in the middle, so I’m obliged to go sometimes.

BUT REALLY NOW, it’s dark outside, it’s FREAKIN January, all my windows and doors are open, I refuse to turn on the A/C and there are only so many articles of clothing one can remove…. and I’ve already removed them…. this is a tad ridiculous!