Ok…so everyone knows that EVERYONE likes bacon. It is a well documented fact. Well, here is an eerie possibility for why bacon is so damn good.

from wikipedia:
It is often said that pig flesh is the closest thing in nature to human flesh, and in the past some peoples of Papua New Guinea used a phrase which translated as “long pig” to refer to human flesh; pigs have also been considered for xenotransplantation, as their internal organs are remarkably similar to humans.

I was just reminiscing today about the amazing wonderfulness that was the Tribe trip to Scotland/London in ‘04.

Good Times. Good Times.

Reading this made my day. (I do not vouch for the authenticity of the event, nor the author’s name….all I can say is that I wish I wrote it. It’s brilliant!!!)

[Supposedly]This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author,
Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.

3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I
have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making
them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic
slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook
Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a
veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the
subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large
suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On
Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of
charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I
have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last
summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me
fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day
and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I
know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have
performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week;
when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I
successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a
small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a
toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San
Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and
I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

I’m packed and ready for three days and two nights in the exotic and glamorous city of …Irving. Yep folks, that is Irving, TX, a mere 20 minutes to the west. I’ll be hunkered down/sequestered for a business conference.

It’s just like a vacation, only without the mountains or the beach or the flying or the rest and relaxation. (Or the comfy clothes…)

The best of my gifts have but a feeble life in isolation. Try to bottle them up and they wither entirely. They only come to their most radiant blossom and fullness when they are shared, freely shared and freely given. What more life do I dare bring to my energy, my enthusiasm, my knowledge, my compassion, my wit and my faith?

[Scene] I walk into my boss’ office to give her a process document I was asked to create (by the way my whole group hates these little ‘process exercises’).

Boss: [indistinct mumbling as she reads text] Oh this is such bullshit. [Laughs out loud] It’s perfect! You’re good at this.

Me: And my mom thought all my bullshitting as a kid was just wasting time. I can’t wait to tell her my skills and practice finally paid off. [Both of us laugh as I exit.]

[Fin]

(side note: I chose this song title for my header because I misheard the lyrics the first time I heard the song and thought they were saying “Shut – up this is Bullshit”)

Butterfly: Go back and lie down.
Me: Why, it’s not like anyone ever died of pneumonia…
[Long pause]
Me: Ok, I’ll lie down.

Unfortunately the beginning of 2007 looked too much like the end of 2006. It has been quite some time since any virus or bug has brought me to my knees like this or for as long. (And what horrible timing.) I spent most of today trying to rest. Anyway, I was unsuccessful last night as I toasted the end of the year with a mug of Theraflu and was fast asleep before the stroke of midnight.

Nonetheless I am excited at the prospect of what this new year will bring.